Old Enough To Know Better
by Ambrel
Summary: He stumbled to the door by feel, moving as quietly and stealthily as a blind, hairless, three legged cat who’d just had a bad run in with a door. *Warning: Alcoholic themes*
1. Old Enough To Know Better

Old Enough To Know Better

"Aaaaand…_she _said… 'It's so cute!'" Finn drawled out in a high pitch falsetto that almost…_almost _hid the blatant slur that crept through his voice. He teetered a little on his stool, grabbing the bar in front of him with an over exaggerated air of seriousness. "And….and…I told her that it was so _not _cute…" he trailed off. The ambient noise of the bar would have been overwhelming to some, but the two individuals in question were too far gone into their cups to even notice that they were shouting to be heard above the din.

Aerrow was trying his best to focus his eyes on Finn's face, but since both young men were having equilibrium problems the effort proved to be rather futile. The unsteady wavering of his own body made it nearly impossible to keep his eyes trained on his wildly bobbing friend. He hiccupped, then stifled a bewildered giggle. "Finn… I think…. I think you're _lying._"

"M'not." Finn grumbled as he reached for the shot glass that sat waiting for him on the bar. "S'what she said."

"Then…_hic..._ maybe…she's _right._ Hehe….cute."

"S'not cute!" Finn knocked back the shot and slammed it down on the bar with a wooden _thunk._ "S'not…."

Aerrow drew himself up with all the seriousness and gravity that a drunken twenty-one year old could muster. He gestured with his left hand in a giant sweeping motion, nearly knocking a few of the empty shot glasses to the ground. They wobbled for a moment, unheeded by the pair of friends, but didn't fall. "Then you need to…_prove _it!" He declared. He held the pose for an impressive amount of time, considering his impaired balance, but the effect was soon broken by another random giggle.

Finn stared at him. "Dude…s'not something I wanna show another… another _dude._"

"What? Ya…_hic..._ _scared?"_

"No way, man!" Finn hauled himself up off of his stool. Once he gained his feet, he tottered precariously to the side, but caught himself by looping an arm over Aerrow's shoulders. Aerrow himself almost went down as the unexpected weight threw him off balance, but he managed to clamp his arm over the bar. "I aint scared.. I'll show you. S'not cute!"

Somehow, the blond managed to wobble to his feet and stood for a moment, gathering his bearings. Then, with a cheeky grin to Aerrow, he reached down to the waistline of his pants.

"Finn! Aerrow! There you are!" a voice shouted over the din of the karaoke and people talking. Finn and Aerrow jerked their heads up at the sound, and Finn released his clothes. Piper came through the crowd, shoving against people who didn't move out of her way fast enough. The two watched her squeeze past a random, though particularly voluptuous, lady in green and their eyes were caught by the tight fitting skirt that the woman wore. Finn elbowed Aerrow and gestured to the woman, completely forgetting Piper as she strode over. Aerrow elbowed Finn back as he engaged in the typical male ritual known as 'ogling'.

At least, until they were rudely interrupted.

"Hey! Guys! Hello?" Piper waved her hands in front of their slack faces, effectively cutting off their line of sight to the lady in green. The both snapped their eyes to Piper's face, more or less focusing on her features. Aerrow's face lit up in a silly grin and Finn's features twisted in confusion.

"Hi Piper! We could…_hic..._ use your help…" Aerrow began.

"Hey…what are you doing here? Though….thought you didn't wanna come. Bartender! Another….uh….uh…" Finn trailed, raising his hand to get the barman's attention. The bartender looked over disinterestedly, then glanced at Piper.

"'D'ese boys yers?" He asked, his voice gruff and grainy from years of talking over music and drunks.

She nodded, a bit reluctantly. "Yes, I'm afraid so."

He twitched a shoulder. "Methinks 'dey had enough fer t'night."

"I agree… I'll take them home."

Piper paid the tab down and turned to the two inebriated soldiers. "Come on, boys. Lets get back to the Condor.

They had been staring at her dumbly the entire time she'd been talking with the bartender and when she addressed them, Aerrow smothered another drunken titter and Finn wrapped one arm heavily over her shoulders. "You gonna take us home, huh?" he slurred in her ear. She wrinkled her nose at the alcoholic stench that escaped his mouth.

"Ugh… yeah. I'm taking you guys home."

"Well…" Finn garbled, almost incoherently, "I'm 'fraid y'have t'buy me dinner first. I'm not…I'm not easy, like Aerrow."

"Hey!" Aerrow snickered and pushed Finn's shoulders. "S'not right…"

Piper braced Finn, keeping him from falling down at Aerrow's heavy handed shove and continued to lead the two from the bar. Finn, however, took that moment to make one of those impossible leaps of logic that make perfect sense to drunks, but none at all to those in their right mind. "It is _not _cute!" He shouted belligerently, as though Aerrow had just insisted that it…whatever it was… was indeed cute. His shout was accompanied by much swinging of his free arm.

"Finn!" Piper yelped, staggering under the sharpshooter's weight, "Stop it!"

"Huh?" He asked dumbly.

Piper rolled her eyes up to the heavens. _Please…give me the strength to at least get them out of the bar…_

Luck was on her side. She managed to wrest Finn out of the den and Aerrow followed behind like an obedient puppy. A drunken, stumbling, swerving puppy, but obedient nonetheless.

At least they hadn't vomited or anything like that.

"I'm am so guilt tripping Junko when I get back to the ship…" Piper mumbled under her breath.

Aerrow picked that moment to start bawling a rude sailor's chantey and Piper cringed. "Aerrow!"

"-eh? What's up Piper?" he burbled. He staggered sideways in the street before righting himself once more.

"Just… stop singing, okay?"

He nodded compliantly. She almost heaved a sigh of satisfaction. The street itself was fairly silent once they got away from the raucous volume around the bar.

He started humming instead.

Then Finn joined in.

"I give up…" she moaned amid the off-key humming of her companions. The two showed no interest or inclination of stopping their awful chorus and with each new breath, they exhaled noxious fumes from their mouths.

Piper reeled, certain that she was going to end up getting drunk in some impossible way from sheer contact with the two.

It was a long walk back to the ship.

OOO

Okay. I _do _actually have plans for a second part to this travesty. By the way, this is Challenge # 3 from my profile, if anyone else is interested in trying them out.

Should I do the next addition? Review! I have maybe one more day of internet access… so I hope I get the inspiration to finish this out!


	2. Still Too Young To Care

Still Too Young To Care

Junko was sitting on the bridge when Piper staggered in, weighted down by Finn's dead weight and followed closely by a blissfully off-key Aerrow. Somewhere along the way he had forgotten her order to stop singing, and by the time they entered the Condor he was belting out bawdy lyrics at the top of his drunken voice…not that any of the words he sang could be even remotely recognizable as real words, so horribly was he slurring the language. Junko looked up at her as she stumbled in, snickering behind his hand.

Piper glared at him. "Atmos help me, Junko, this is all your fault."

He laughed good naturedly. "Nah, Piper, I wasn't the one who got them drunk. They did that all on their own. Right guys?"

Aerrow continued singing. Finn blinked over at Junko, and pronounced very slowly, "I…am…not…a…skunk."

Junko blinked. "O…kay."

"Junko called me a skunk.." Finn whined at Piper, dropping his head close to her ear. She winced at the reek that came from his mouth. "I'm not a skunk…"

"He called you _drunk,_ Finn. Not skunk. Drunk."

"Oh…but still….not a skunk."

Aerrow took a moment to glance around with barely focusing eyes. "I think…"

"I still think you should have been the one to go get them," Piper muttered darkly at Junko, interrupting Aerrow, "Its not exactly easy to drag Finn's butt all the way home."

Junko grinned. It was true. In the past few years, all the guys had gotten larger, taller, more muscular, as men were apt to do when they passed puberty. Piper, on the other hand, had stayed relatively small and petite. Finn towered over her by at least a foot, and Aerrow a little more than that. Junko was monstrous at a bit over seven feet tall, and he'd filled out like a tank.

It was almost insulting how he had won the rock, paper, scissors contest they had to decide who had to chase after their wayward teammates. Stork hadn't even participated.

"Well, neither of us would have had to do it if Starling hadn't gotten called away at the last minute, you know. So…blame her." Junko replied, trying to wipe his grin off of his face and not being successful.

Piper groaned and rolled her eyes, opening her mouth to say something, but at that minute, Aerrow staggered by and flopped heavily down next to Junko. "Ugh…gonna puke…" he moaned.

Junko's eyes widened. He looked around frantically for something-anything-to use as a receptacle for the horrors that Aerrow was about to unleash from his stomach. Piper blanched. "Ugh… well, you take care of Aerrow here, okay? I'm going to put Finn to bed." She started to back away, Finn's arm still clamped firmly on her shoulders.

Finn wavered at the sound of his name. Up until then, he had been intently staring at Junko's forehead for no discernable reason. When he was pulled by Piper, he whined.

"Shut up Finn. You need to get to bed." Piper sighed, pulling him back with her.

Finn heaved a noxious sigh and followed, leaving Junko to deal with the delightful experience of Aerrow retching up his first stomach-ful of alcoholic beverages. Piper felt Finn's breath billow over her skin, like some sulfurous breeze from the depths of liquor-induced hell. "Why are you so nice Piper?" He slurred.

Piper rolled her eyes. "Actually, I'm feeling a little bitchy right now, Finn."

"No…no, you're always nice. You're nice to…to everyone. Even though people aren't nice to you…"

"Finn…" Piper said wearily.

"Why're you so damn nice?" He almost-shouted, his voice rising in volume as they made their stumbling way down the hallway. "You shouldn't be so nice all the time. People take advantage of you…you're too nice…"

_I need to get him to bed before he decides to tell me he loves me or something… _Piper thought to herself. She pressed the button to open the door and hauled him inside.

"I'm not the only nice one, Finn." She said to settle him down. "Starling's nice too."

"Is not.." he mumbled, collapsing on his chair. Piper frowned. He needed to get into bed. Not sit down for a chat. Before she could say anything, he continued. "She…she said it was…_cute."_

She raised an eyebrow. What could Finn have that Starling would possibly qualify as 'cute'? "Really now. What did she say was cute?"

Finn mumbled something. He shook his head.

"Fine, don't tell me. Its no big deal anyway. Lets get you to bed."

Finn muttered and half heartedly tugged at his shirt. Piper watched for a moment while he ineffectually attempted to kick off his boots as well before she shook her head and groaned. "Here. Let me help."

Finn had devolved from a happy, roaring drunk to a quiet, tired drunk. He obeyed Piper's commands with meek acquiescence, lifting his feet so she could remove his boots and socks-this was an act performed with a wrinkled nose and many disgusted noises-and he obediently raised his arms when she came to take his stained shirt. She tossed both away with a flick of her wrist, then helped Finn make the last few steps between his chair to his bed.

Finn flopped down on the bed, face down, his back toward her. Piper rolled her eyes for what must have been the hundredth time that night. She straightened and looked around for a moment before discovering a discarded blanket lying on the floor. She reached down and grabbed it. As she turned toward the sharpshooter, he rolled over onto his back, throwing the arm closest to her up over his head.

Something caught her eye and she leaned closer.

There…

Was that what she thought it was?

Piper pressed a hand to her mouth as a smile crinkled her eyes.

Right there, peeking out from the waistline of Finn's pants, right above the bony portion where his hip merged into his muscled belly, was a brand new tattoo, all colored ink on pink, irritated skin. It was a small thing, but all the same, it nearly made her squeal with laughter.

A little thundercloud about the size of her palm…with two angry eyes that gave it a comical appearance. It had tiny streaks of rain that disappeared into the waistline of his pants. It was expertly done in shades of blue, black, and purple, with a little silver on the outside edges. It even had a little bolt of lightning coming out from beneath it.

Piper squinted. She couldn't see the whole of the tattoo. She glanced up at Finn. He was snoring away, dead to the world. Chances were, the Dark Ace could walk right in and proclaim himself king of the Condor and he wouldn't even twitch.

She snickered. Telling herself it was the only chance she might ever get, she reached down and hooked a finger through one of the belt loops on the pants and pulled the fabric an inch or two down.

The tiny bolt of lightning continued down about an inch, splitting in all different directions…to spell out the words 'Storm Hawks'.

Piper let the cloth go and it fell back into place. Another look at Finn's face told her that he was oblivious to the world.

She laid the blanket over him and he snuggled with it the way a young child might, then she turned and walked to the door. She paused to dim the lights.

As she left, she heard a muffled voice say, "Th'ks…Pip'r.."

The door slid shut and she leaned against it, fighting the giggle that eventually erupted from her throat.

It was so _cute._

And totally blackmail material.

OOO

Okay… that was kinda fun. Wasn't what I had in mind, but still fun.

And notice this is still 'in progress'. I see the potential to turn this into another chapter fic. What do you all think?

And yes.. my internet access is counting down quickly. Let me know! I'll work on this on the road if I get a favorably response!


	3. The Morning After

The Morning After

Sometime during the night, the whole world had apparently decided to turn evil and full of hate.

The sun, he was convinced, had sent its rays in through his window with the sole purpose of assassinating his retinas with poisonous, burning daggers that also somehow made him feel as though he was going to heave up the entire contents of his digestive system. Even his skin was against him, feeling as though it was two sizes too small.

If it wasn't for the positively overwhelming urge to _pee, _he would probably have noticed that his skin practically creaked with every movement.

In fact, if it hadn't been for the fact that his body was demanding relief from the massive, tangy tightness of his bladder, he would have probably tried to roll over and close his eyes against the world. As it was, he tried to remain still in the hopes that if he didn't move at all, his urinary tract wouldn't rupture like a punctured balloon.

It… didn't work.

The pressure was enough to drive him from the bed. He stood up-well, sort of. It was more like he rolled out of bed onto his knees and stumbled to his feet out of sheer stupid willpower, but he _did_ manage to get himself vertical. His eyes were tightly shut during this whole process, lest any ray of diabolical sunlight get through to attack his poor, defenseless, and as he was very convinced, vulnerably exposed brain.

"Ueeghruuughahh…" he mumbled in belated effort. His innards sloshed around like a jug of milk.

He tried to keep his mind away from that line of thought… the mere idea of dairy products threatened to make him loose his lunch-or whatever he might have actually had in his stomach.

After a moment of inaction, his internal workings seemed to have stabilized somewhat. He gathered his courage, such as it was, and experimentally placed one foot forward.

A bit wobbly, he realized, but he managed. Now, all he had to do was navigate his way through his room, down the hallway, past the bridge, and into the bathroom… with his eyes closed.

No way was he opening his eyes. He really enjoyed having good vision, and he'd be pretty useless if he lost his ability to see. And at this point he was certain that if he opened his eyes to the glaring sun, he'd go stark blind.

"Rrrrghu…"

One…two…what came after two? Oh yeah… three…

He stumbled to the door by feel, moving as quietly and stealthily as a blind, hairless, three legged cat who'd just had a bad run in with a door.

The whirr of the door opening when he got to it just about did him in. He moaned pitifully. In the midst of his own self pity, he didn't even hear the steady patter of boots walking purposefully down the corridor.

"Finn!" cried a familiar voice, far too loud and cheery for its own good. "You're awake! That's great. I was just coming to get you!"

"Mrrrguph…"

"Wow, you look… terrible."

Deciding to take a big risk, Finn cracked one eye open. The figure before him was hazy and fuzzy, but it began to coalesce as he focused on it.

Purple. Tall. Dark hair… _really_ pale.

"Sss…star…ling?"

"I hear you got home all right last night. I would have stuck around but I had some things to do. I hope you're not mad about that."

"Last… night?" What had happened last night?

"Dear me, how rude of me. You haven't even been up for a minute now, have you? I'll let you alone if you'd like. I promised Junko to help with some skimmer maintenance, in any case."

With that, she walked off, all cheery and wakeful.

It was obscene. His very mind seethed at the chirpiness of women in the morning. How could they even consider themselves human?

The pressure in his bladder sent tendrils of discomfort to his brain. With another inarticulate groan, he turned and began stumbling, slow and haphazardly, down the hallway.

Somehow, the few yards to the bathroom managed to turn into a league or two of uphill slope.

OOO

"What was that?"

Piper looked up from her maps at the sound of a curse and a thud. Starling raised one eyebrow in amusement, then shrugged. "Probably your boys getting up out of bed. I just saw Finn. He looked somewhat worse for wear."

Piper rolled her eyes. "Serves him right."

"Oh?"

With a sigh, Piper sat back against her chair. "I lost the coin toss. I had to go get them after you radioed to us that you had to go."

Starling laughed. "So they were pretty sloshed by the time you got there, eh?"

"Just a little bit."

Starling smirked.

"Aerrow sang off key the whole way home."

That startled a laugh out of the older woman. "You should have seen them when the night was still young," she snickered. "They are both so tough all the time…but they're both teetotalers. It didn't take much to do them in."

Piper shook her head disparagingly. "I still cant believe you talked Aerrow into that. I mean, I can understand Finn being all gung ho to go drinking, but Aerrow? And for Atmos' sake, _why?"  
_

"A couple reasons, actually."

Piper looked doubtful.

"I bet they're poisoned. They'll be dead by sundown." Stork chimed in from his usual spot.

"Stork!" Piper admonished. "They're hung over, not poisoned. Are they?" Piper looked back to Starling.

"They'll probably pull through."

At that moment, the door opened. Had she not known better, Piper would not have recognized the sorry creature that dragged himself through the door.

Skin so pale he looked like a vampire. Bloodshot, dry eyes that hurt to even look at stared out at her from within sunken, baggy eyes. His jaws were hollow with fatigue and his forehead was lined with a continual grimace. He hadn't even tried to make himself presentable…or if he had, it certainly had been more of a half hearted affair.

Red hair stuck up at odd angles on one side of his head, while on the other side it was matted and gummy as though he had spent all night with his mouth open, allowing drool to puddle and dry into it. His shirt had somehow been put on backwards and his trousers were wrinkled as though he had spent the night in them.

And he was barefoot, too.

The door slid shut with its usual sigh as he dragged himself with obvious effort into the room. Along with him came a strong odor that smelled of stale beer, body odor, and the tangy, sickly smell of stomach acid.

"Aerrow…" Piper began, pushing back her urge to gag. "I think…you…"

Starling waved a hand in front of her face, wrinkling up her nose. "Dear god, Aerrow. You stink."

The beleaguered young man turned his bleary eyes to the older woman. He blinked a couple of times, before speaking with the exaggerated care of one who was unsure of his faculties. "I don't know how…or why… but I am convinced that this is all your fault."

"Poison…" came Stork's voice from the controls.

"Stork!" Piper warned. Aerrow flinched at the sharp noise.

"Piper…" he whined.

"What?" She asked pointedly. "Something wrong?"

"Not so loud…"

"Its your own fault, you know. You cant blame Starling. She didn't hold you down and pour it all down your throat."

"But…" Aerrow was saved from further verbal punishment by the door opening and a somewhat better groomed, but still rough looking Finn stumbled through the door.

The smell intensified.

"Oh… ew. That is just wrong." Piper announced. "You both reek."

"Don't care. Outta…m'way." Finn muttered, continuing in a beeline to the other end of the bridge. "Gotta go."

"He's using whole sentences now," Starling mused. "That was quick."

Aerrow dragged himself to the table and dumped himself into a chair. He looked utterly miserable and pitiful, but for some reason Piper wasn't feeling all too charitable.

Radarr was no where to be found. Chances were, he'd found somewhere else to sleep last night because of his friend's antics.

If she had to pick one word to describe Aerrow, it would have been sour. He looked sour, smelled sour, hell he probably would have felt sour if she'd deign to touch him. She was right on the verge of telling him to go take a shower when Starling plunked a mug of hot black coffee in front of him. "Drink up, you'll feel better."

Piper raised her eyebrows yet again. "Isn't water a better idea?"

"Coffee will help with the headache."

Piper pressed her lips together, but said nothing.

OOO

Release was heavenly. The feeling of triumph when he finally made it to the bathroom nearly was his undoing. In his entire life, he'd never felt so light, so… _relieved, _as when he made it to the bathroom.

Emptiness was underrated.

As he was pulling his pants back up into place, he noticed a pain that had been dulled by his prior urgency. His hand brushed a sticky substance on his hip and when it did, a wave of fire, like a bad burn, pinpointed at that spot on his thigh.

"What the…"

He pulled his shirt up out of the way and looked down in confusion.

"…the _hell?"_

OOO

Hey there y'all. I know this isn't all that long, but for the life of me, I couldn't think of a good way to continue this at all. I hope I did the first two installments justice, but I am afraid this one just fell flat. Regardless, I promised and update on this one weeks ago, so here you are.

Let me know how you think. And also, should I continue this more? It could feasibly end here, as it pretty much clears up any questions the first couple of chapters raised, so… I dunno.

I need direction.

Review, and let me know what you think I should do with this mess!


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